Surrogacy journey: 38 weeks. Real talk.

I’ve held off on posting my real emotions. This is a delicate situation. 38 weeks pregnant. No spouse. No responsibilities after baby arrives. A family in waiting for their forever blessing to arrive. Nothing about this pregnancy is what society calls normal.

I started blogging this journey for anyone out there who may want to experience surrogacy but I also have to be mindful that many lives are involved.

With that being said, I’m exhausted. I am taking care of a household and children. I’m uncomfortable standing, sitting, laying, bending, anything really. I have mentioned it slightly before but I’m going to tell you…. When they tell you to do a psychological evaluation and counseling beforehand, this is why. It takes more out of you than a “regular” pregnancy.

I don’t mean to but somehow I end up feeling secluded and nothing more than an object to get someone to their destination. I feel I have to fight for my voice to be heard in some scenarios and I feel a bother in others.

These are just fleeting emotions (I tell myself to try and “snap” out of it).

I just left the hospital. I had to register and get a check due to my doctor being out of town. Everything is good. Contracting but not dilated enough to be admitted. I will be induced next week. It’s surreal. She will be here and into her mom and dad’s arms next week. We only have ONE more week. We can do this!!!!!

I have 3 weeks off work paid to rest and heal.

I believe I will feel much better in a few weeks.

I’m hoping I have some help when I get home from the hospital. It takes a lot to manage a household, much more after you deliver a baby.

I called a house cleaning agency. They wanted 230 bucks for a deep cleaning. WHAT??? looks like I need to go into that business. Ha.

Alls well. Baby’s healthy. This is what matters.

We continue on!!!!!

Shot shot shot

4.2.19

I did my first shot today. I woke up full of anxiety. I do not love shots. I assumed it was going to be the worst shot ever created.

I’m so dramatic.

At approximately 830 I had my first shot. It was tiny. And I survived.

I look back and laugh at how inappropriate I acted.

Isn’t that funny. I wore myself out for nothing.

I paced and pleaded to do anything but this shot.

Now for the next few weeks this is my new norm.

Baby, here we come.

Real

The medication has been ordered. It will be shipped to my door.

Wow. Talk about service.

This just got real folks.

I think I’ve said that for every step of this process.

I can’t stand needles. I have never been able to manage it. From the time I was a little girl to the time last week my blood was drawn. But that is why I’m that much more excited to do this for this couple. Every needle that gets jabbed into my fatty muscle means one step closer for my couple to have their dream.

I accidentally Internet searched IVF because I had a question about night time shots.

BAD IDEA FOLKS!!

It overwhelmed me slightly. But at the end of the day God’s got me through this. I don’t need a man for support. I don’t need a huge support of friends. I have a family. I have my “baby mama”. I have the “knowing” this gift is about to be a reality.

I am so ready for this. The shots are only a small part of it. I will make it through the shots and I will be implanted. I will pray all day every day for the baby to grow in my womb.

God knows us even before the womb. So God already knows these babies.

How beautiful is that?

Tata for now! 💜