Tag: friend

Signed sealed delivered

3.4.19. I signed the final contract. It’s official. I’m going to be a vessel of hope. I’m going to give the gift of a bigger family. I’m going to give a baby to a mom and dad who are unable to do it themselves. I’m overwhelmed. I’m scared. I just want to have the healthiest baby I can. I want to have a good pregnancy. I want to be able to give the baby over appropriately when the time comes.

The clinic is giving an estimated May date for pregnancy. I will go through some hormone shots and prepping my uterus will take a few weeks, also. I’m going to be a mom. Without the mom part.

I pray for this unborn child.

Single vs attached

I have endured both. I have celebrated both. I’ve been single. I’ve been attached. I’ve been married. I’ve been divorced. I’ve been rematched with someone else. Like life always expects, it all must be balanced.

We must be able to understand someone else’s feelings to better understand what life is asking of us. How does my friend feel when I go through all of those changes? How do I feel when my friends go through all those changes? Am I balanced in it?

Are we equally respecting each other’s season of life?

We need friends. And we most definitely need the support. It’s an awful life to be without someone there to pick you up when you have fallen down.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: 10 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

In Job, when life was really coming down on him and everything was wrong, his friends came and stayed with him. They didn’t even say a word to him. They just were there; exactly what he needed.

Job 2:11

11 When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him

Let’s go out and try to be the best friend we can be. Only you and your friends know what that means. But make sure it’s positive and pure and build each other up and MOST DEFINITELY focus your lives on God.

Denial

Principle 1: Realize I’m not God. I admit that I am
powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is
unmanageable.

“Happy are those who
know they are spiritually poor.” (Matthew 5:3)

There’s a reason this is the first step. This is the shining star. You don’t accept this, you can’t recover. You know this, a whole new life opens up.

But this is the tough part. The 12 steps only work if you constantly work them. I am 10 years into recovery of my first issues. I am 3 years in recovery for the rest. I am day one in recovery for life. And tomorrow when I wake up, I will continue to admit to God that my life is unmanageable and without relying solely on God, I will fail.

“Hope now” by:Addison Road. Lyrics

If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I’m Yours

[PRE-CHORUS]
I’m not my own
I’ve been carried by You
All my life

[CHORUS]
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I’ll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

[PRE-CHORUS]
I’m not my own
I’ve been carried by You
All my life

[CHORUS]
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

[CHORUS 2]
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
You’ve become my hearts desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

When a friendship dies

Nothing lasts forever. Wouldn’t it be nice? Even your thoughts are fleeting. You live life one way then the next moment life all changes. In this life, we are taught to lean on others. We don’t survive easily in solitude. But in solitude there is no pain from loss. Nonetheless, we must stray away from solitude.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 New International Version (NIV)

9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.


But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.

10 If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.

When you give your trust to someone, you are giving them a piece of your soul. You are a partner. A friend. A friend takes up a large place in your heart.

Every friend I have made has had a special place in my heart. I have learned so much from each friend that has crossed my path. If you are reading this and you and I have enjoyed a friendship, past or present, thank you. I am who I am because of the things God has allowed me to learn from you.

God made my heart big. I haven’t always been very responsible with this big heart. God gave me a big heart but he also gave me a big brain. I forget to use them both simultaneously at times. This means that I can hurt myself. I can hurt others.

Not every person that crosses your path is meant to be a deep, safe, secure, friend. We are to go to God about every friendship, relationship, acquaintance, we have. Why??

There is wicked in this world. The evil is alive and well and he will use any situation to torture your God-seeking soul. The devil uses what is closest to your heart to deceive you. Mine has always been Fellowship. The closer I am with God, the more the devil uses the people around me. It isn’t fair to those people. It isn’t fair to me. The devil has never been accused of being fair. But the devil smells my genuine love for God and for people. And he devours it all. He devours my thinking. He blinds me. I seek God in every aspect of my life. And I still end up a failure. My God is a beautiful God. He uses my failure and picks me back up. God holds me like I can’t explain. Comfort. In the midst of this turmoil. Pain. Embarrassment. Loss of security. Misunderstanding. Scar tissue. Bewilderment.

Proverbs 27:5-6 New International Version (NIV)

5 Better is open rebuke
than hidden love.

God is pure. God is good. God loves me. I love God.

I will continue to pray for God’s will in my life. I will continue to LOVE. I will continue to ask God to sharpen my senses to inconsistencies and inappropriate surroundings. I will continue to pray for all of my friends. Past and present. I will ask forgiveness for my wrongdoings. I will ask for clarification. I will ask for discernment.

Colossians 3:12-14 New International Version (NIV)

12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Amen.

Whose fault are they!?

Society is so worried about pointing a finger at the cause of chaos and violence. Stop pointing your finger and look in the mirror.

Are we teaching our children to be dependent on another being? What about highlighting drinking as a cool way to manage stress? Children consume themselves in technology and parents don’t stop it?

Children forget how to connect with others and grow up to be secluded and incompetent. They don’t know how to manage feelings correctly. They grow up and ruin friendships and relationships until they can’t take it and turn to violence. Violence on others or themselves.

Enter stage left: Me. To clean up society’s bad choices that have now involved and inflicted harm on children.

The. Cycle. Continues.

Structure

I’m sitting here at a supervised visitation. These kids have done nothing but cause mass chaos in the two hours I have been here. The parents verbally get onto them but never follow through on a time out or remove the problem item or any other threats that are given. These children don’t say please or thank you. They don’t say yes or no ma’am. They scream and point instead of using their words. They lash out irrationally. They hurt each other. They hurt themselves.

The parents are half mentally checked out. They have no structure to behave themselves; how do I expect them to parent little thems?

The parents themselves grew up in chaos. They don’t know what anything but dysfunction looks like. I don’t expect them to live like “normal”. I just want safe. I want stable. The children deserve safe and stable.

So how do we get from one extreme to just decent? These parents are exhausted from their life’s choices that brought me here. The children are consumed by crazy being the norm.

Get sober. Get stable. Survive. Then Thrive.

Find positive support. Find somewhere to plug in. Find a better you to be. No one else can do anything for you if you don’t want to do anything for yourself.

To have a friend, be a friend.

I sit back and think on life sometimes, well, I’m a female, so a lot of times. Who are we kidding? EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. MOMENT. HOUR. SECOND…..

Where was I?

This world is huge.  7.5 billion strong.  That’s a whole lot of folks.  That is a whole lot of chances to give out nice and to accept nice.  I wake up every morning and immediately become determined to be nice to people. Some days I have to beg my inner bad attitude to stay focused.  Some days I have to calm myself down because I will give everyone, everything and end up with nothing.

Life is about moderation. I’ve said it before. I’ll say it again. Nothing is no good. Too much is way too much. Something. Now that’s where it’s at.

I am surrounded by some of the most understanding, caring, people.  I have good family, friends and co workers.  I even have clients and people at places of business that I enjoy to see often.  I want, at the end of the day, for those people to be thankful they know me. I don’t want them to ever wish they had never met me.

I’m what they call an introverted extravert.  I thoroughly enjoy people. I thoroughly enjoy quiet though.  Conversation can sometimes cause me anxiety.  Sometimes just having someone near is enough (5 love languages-quality time).

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
“Pooh!” he whispered.
“Yes, Piglet?”
“Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you.”
― A.A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner