Surrogacy: week 18

Hello all!!

It’s week 18. Baby has been doing big things and by big things I mean she’s started tap dancing on my bladder and growing out super fast. She enjoys making sure I don’t sleep and that heartburn is always near. Other than that, it’s great!!! I’m still so tickled to be doing this. Some days I wake up, look at my belly in amazement that she’s in there…..AND SHE’S NOT MINE. This is by far the coolest babysitting job I could imagine.

It’s a little lonely, not going to lie. I would love for someone to rub my back, rub my feet, help me in the evenings when my body is just too tired to continue on, but my birth kiddos need me,and I continue on. Every day that goes by is another day of baking for baby and its an achievement I’m proud of. I want her to be so healthy for mom and dad. My faith is strong. God is there for me. That’s enough, even when I’m being a whiny butt and feeling pitiful.

We get to see the anatomy scan on Tuesday. Mom is so excited. We thought we would see her last visit but we didn’t. Doc promised this one we would.

Sometimes I think about what labor will be like. What the days after will be like. What mom and dad will be like taking baby home from the hospital. What I will do with some time off work to heal mentally and physically. I’m trying to prepare but it’s like the beginning of a roller coaster. No one knows but it will be a memorable experience and I’m ready.

15 weeks down, centuries to go?!

Hello all!!!!!

Sorry I’ve been quiet for a while.

So. Pregnancy isn’t how I remembered it from 8 years ago. A lot has changed since then. Mostly my body is 8 years older now. With a dash of insane workload at work and no husband to have me lavender bath water or dinner for when I finally do get home from my 10 hr plus days.

Just like everything in life, when you do something new and exciting, there’s no amount of prep work that could ever be enough. There’s no amount of research and questioning that can truly prepare you for diving into the unknown.

I regret nothing.

But I’m learning a whole awful lot!

Mama and me are both strong willed people. It has set us up for some interesting feelings and conversations. We are trying to learn how to manage this short term close relationship without overstepping boundaries. We live on opposite sides of the community. She quit her job as a teacher at the end of the school year and my job is quite demanding of me and my time. I’m certain she would rather I just move in with her and I’m certain I just want to go home and sit on my couch and stare at the wall.

This is new to both of us. Her child is growing inside another human, away from her ability to control everything . She is not present for the milestones of baby. That’s a strain mentally. My body is being taken over by a sweet little parasite that, as soon as it comes out, will never have an attachment with this body again. I’m trying to manage my life as if I was not pregnant, all the while hormones flow through me like magma.

Lots of emotions.

We are doing our best to manage the situation as best as we can.

I’m having to forcibly work on asking others for help and releasing my independence. As my belly grows, and it sure is growing, there is less I’m able to do.

As of right now, my house appears to be ground zero from a massive tornado. My yard hasn’t been mowed in weeks, it’s hardly walkable. Dinner has become minimal and sad. These are all things I need to learn to ask for help on. God’s teaching me things through this journey that I wasn’t wanting to learn. Funny how He always works.

Baby update:

Mama decided to do the Harmony test for gender and chromosome abnormalities. It was almost 2 weeks, right before 4th of July, when she found out she was having a girl and everything came back normal! Mama wanted a girl and we all wanted healthy.

We had a gender reveal for mama, daddy, brother, and the rest of their family. It was sweet. Strange for me. But sweet. I brought my two kids with me so I wasn’t alone.

I went to the doctor yesterday for a check up but we didn’t get an ultrasound. Mama was disappointed but at the next visit in August there will be one.

Mama gave me a doppler so I’m able to listen to baby Kate’s heartbeat whenever I want. I send her videos of the heartbeat so she can hear too.

It’s sweet to know this little human is growing and every day we pass is one day closer to giving this mama what she has always desired.

Until next time.

Surrogacy : scared but hopeful

I had an incident yesterday. Around 11 o clock I had to go to the bathroom. Blood dumped out. I’ve never had this happen.

I called baby mama. I called doctor. I called my OB.

My baby mama got there in record time. We sat, she cried, I held her. This is all such a whirlwind. We Googled and pondered and Googled some more.

The fertility clinic couldn’t see me until the following morning.

We decided to go to the Emergency Room.

We didn’t have to wait long. My grandfather came and sat with us. He’s a Saint if there ever was one.

We went to a private room. They decided due to symptoms they would put use a catheter and put an IV. We then had an ultrasound.

There was a gestational sack and a yolk but no pole or heartbeat. My hcg levels were high, 13991. The nurse came in and discharged us with more questions than we had answers.

We meet at baby mamas home this morning and ride together. We talk about all the things. Her teaching at the end of the school year problems, my eating habits, etc. We arrive to the fertility clinic and sign in. We are both a nervous wreck.

I get my blood drawn and we go to room #2. Our crnp comes in and vaginally scans me. She sees the sack, the pole, the yolk. She just can’t see a heartbeat.

She wants to believe she saw a flicker but she just can’t say. She wants us to come back Friday but due to it being only 2 days, she opts for Monday…..until we realize Monday is Memorial Day…. Tuesday it is…… That’s basically 202697 forevers.

This is all we know.

If I begin to bleed again, I will go back to the emergency room. If not, we will have definite answers Tuesday.

Always stay prayin’

SURROGACY : It’s positive

Hello everybody! It’s me Pattie.Guess what? I’m going to have a baby.

I am over the moon excited for Mommy and Daddy! I started taking pregnancy test after day 2 because clearly I’m crazy. I started to get discouraged and started realizing why everybody told me not to take pregnancy test.

Friday, day 5, I started to notice a faint pink line. Every day after the pink line got darker and darker.I went for a blood test this morning and I got the call this afternoon. The beta is positive ladies and gentlemen it worked!!! Words cannot describe what I feel. Overwhelmed with joy! For those of you that listen to Christian radio, I called the Wally Show and announced it on the show.

I did not use my real name because the mom and the dad have not announced the information yet. It felt good to be able to announce it and I cannot wait until I can be open about this this is such a beautiful experience I have no words to express what I feel.

Signed,

Real Life Baby mama

Surrogacy Journey :after implantation

It’s been 4 days. 4 long excruciating days. They talk about this. The 2 week wait. Nothing will prepare you for it though.

I’m not a worry wart normally, but so much is riding on this. So much happiness. I have found myself very distracted. I just want it to work.”they” say, don’t test. You’ll make yourself crazy.

Hi.I’m crazy.

So I’ve taken 3. Because I’m out of control. All say negative. It’s honestly too early to tell. I have a blood test Friday morning. I should wait until then. But I don’t.I have continued taking my estrogen and doing my estrogen shots.

I had a security detail at an Aaron Lewis concert last night and had to manage a shot in between. It didn’t end well.I’m not certain what happened but I can tell you it hurts.Anyway. 4 days since implantation and I’m a nervous wreck.

Y’all pray for me and bebe embryo.

It went down. Way down. Way south.

IMPLANTATION DAY!

We made it.

I woke up too early. I tried to work but was not successful. I got my children ready for school and out the door. I spent extra time getting ready. I tried to embrace the entire morning. I got myself a bologna biscuit with extra mustar. Ate some candy, stopped for coffee and chat time and was on my way to the clinic by 10.

On the ride in, emotions began to flow. I’m doing this. We are doing this.

How beautiful.

We thawed 2 embryos. One was struggling and the next did better.

The doctor asked me about putting two embryos to ensure success. I have two children and a very demanding job. I just can’t do two embryos. I had emmense guilt but I declined.

My father and baby mama were in the room with me.

I, like always, cracked jokes to ease the tension.

The process wasn’t intense at all. It was more emotional than anything. The doctor, whom I had never met until today, implanted the embryo. We were able to see a small puff of air to know where it had been implanted. Baby BB is officially implanted in my uterus. Let the praying begin.

Boom.

Baby mama showered me and my two children with gifts. She is so special.

We stood in the parking lot and held each other. She placed her hand on my tummy while I held her and she prayed.

We are all so blessed to experience this.

God’s will be done.

We all go our separate ways. I go to my house to enjoy an afternoon of bedrest. My mother comes by. My grandmother and grandfather come by. It feels good to share this experience with my family. My grandfather ended up leaving my mother, my grandmother and I to our “girl talk”. We chatted about many things. I embrace these moments.

My grandmother left and my children came home from school. They were extremely interested in this journey and my daughter asked where the baby was. My sister in law, brother and children came by briefly. They checked on me and took my daughter for a few hours.

My baby mama came over to do my daily progesterone shot and stayed a while to chat. We have bonded and I enjoy getting to know her in this manner. I pray for her and this baby to be united as a family.

She had to go home and grade papers. We hugged and she left.

My mother discussed in several moments how cluttered my house was. Mom’s are grand huh? She means well. We snuggled in the bed. We ate snacks. She cleaned my sink, made dinner and left.

What a beautiful day!