Surrogacy appointment #1

January 3, 2019.

Mama and daddy picked me up from work so we would have time to chat before the appointment. We’ve known each other for years but we have not had a lot of personal contact. I’ve watched the couple go through so much in their journey of parenthood but that is their story to tell.

This is mine.

We hit traffic on the way there from roadwork on the interstate. We ran into closed roads. We got tickled talking about confusing downtown traffic and one way streets. We found the fertility clinic. Finally!!

We spent a time filling out paperwork then we waited. The doctor was ready for us and we went back.

Mom and dad shared their story. Doctor dis used the process with them. They shared a question and answer time. I’m so proud of mom. She’s researched so much. She’s serious and we know it. Doctor looked to me and asked me if I was good? Did I have any questions?

I did not. I told him I’m along for the ride. I’m honored to be able to help this couple. I’m blessed to give the gift of life.

Let’s do this.

He will not see us again until a legal contract is completed. Ok. Fair enough doc. See you soon.

🤗🤰🏿

Soul searchin

My heart is so broken. My heart is so sad. My body aches with pain. I’ve gone over and over and over. What could I have done different? What did I do so wrong? What did I miss? How can a single heart take what I have put mine through.

All I know is to seek God. He fulfills me. He is my all. He doesn’t want me to hurt. He doesn’t want me to live in agony. He wants me to ask myself what I am going to do to heal.

I don’t know.

I can only be responsible for me. I can pray for God to work in others lives but it’s not my cross to bear. I have to ask what I can do to improve. I have to find forgiveness. I have to find peace. I have to dive into my Heavenly Father’s arms and ask that he hold me so tight. I am enough. His love for me is enough.

Amen.

Excuse me sir, you have something in your eye

I have a hard time listening to a person discussing someone else’s faults. Nonetheless, I have been caught doing the same thing.

Psalms 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Thank you God, for knowing us and giving us Your Grace!

I have done almost anything there is to do wrong in life. The beauty in that is that I am able to admit this. NOW. If we stop looking inward at what we are doing, and focus on the outward of what others are doing, what are we REALLY accomplishing? NOTHING. I still fail today. Yesterday. And probably tomorrow. But I feel like that helps me share God’s grace to others (most of the time).

Matthew 7: 1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

I absolutely LOVE the Bible. God knew these problems would continue beyond all years. He allowed flawed humans to create it, knowing we could use it for life. His ever so careful and kind and loving and precise love pours out onto the pages.

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. ~ Ephesians 4:2-3

So without sounding so totally gushy and mushy and fake, I mean this as real as possible. Love. Love wins.

Next time you want to bash someone for doing something you think is less than….. Use your love for God to show them love. Even if that love is not saying anything at all. That’s OK. God doesn’t expect us to be Him. God doesn’t expect us to be perfect. So if shutting up is the best option. Do that.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:1-3