I finished my last round of blood work and ultrasound appointment. Everything is on schedule. I had a panicked week thinking my body ovulated but it was a false alarm. I did not. We are on to progesterone shots. The embryo will be implanted Wednesday.
BABY IMPLANTED IN JUST A FEW DAYS!
Baby mama came to my office this morning and ever so gently gave me my first (huge) shot. She is so kind and loving. I’m honored to give her this gift that she so deserves to enjoy.
I promised to be honest in my blog.
Honesty in 3….2…1….
There have been some side effects I knew but couldn’t prepare for and some have been unexpected….
I have a strange emotion that has popped up. I understand why those who have gone before me have mentioned loneliness. I signed up for this. This is my decision. With that responsibility I feel I have to hide my side effects so my environment won’t throw it up in my face “you did this to yourself”. I caught myself crying in my office. So alone. Crying for many reasons, none of which are worthy of tears.
I am still just so excited to be on this journey. I don’t regret a second of it. I’m ready for the next step.
But it is complicated trying to live my chaotic, everchanging, life, while simultaneously preparing for baby.
God is in control always. I pray my insecurities calm down. I pray God comes and washes my mind of negativity about my current choices.
I pray for my hormone levels. I’m glad they are irate because that means my body is accepting of the medication. I pray it continues to follow the schedule. I pray for a successful implantation and pregnancy.
I also selfishly pray for my heart as I am broken and trying every day to work on me. I pray God restores love. I pray I am forever making Him proud on Earth.
I pray for my support. I pray they are loving to me and do not leave me. I pray I appreciate and respect them.