So many things.

Beautiful. Maternal. Successful. Gentle. Loving. Many more things.

But what do we hide?

You know. The monster inside. Scraping our walls to get out. The tornado inside our bodies, twisting and turning and causing chaos. Dissecting every thought in our mind. Dissecting every intention in anyone else’s.

I’ve cried 4 separate times today. Once over the pains of my job. Once when I was talking to my grandmother about my sweet and wonderful deceased great grandmother. Once because I wondered what the point of life was. Once when I watched a video about a girl and her dog. I haven’t cried in a month. And will cry again in a month exactly.

I’ve not been able to sleep normal for a week. I’ve desired the touch of a man and decided all men are evil.

I’ve determined my life is empty and I’ve determined I can’t keep going on like I have been.

I feel a deep, dark, depression. It’s cold and lonely here. It’s confusing. I fight the urge to ruin everything I’ve worked for. Quit my job. Run away. From everything.

And in 2 weeks it will all go away.

And in 2 more weeks, it will all begin again.

PMDD. It’s real. It’s here. And I’m sorry if you struggle.


I read something the other day that resounded with me. It said it does not matter how we perceive ourselves if other people perceive us differently.

Again, a balance is needed to understand that. It’s not that we should care what others think more than what we think of ourselves but if you notice a pattern of how people perceive you, there may be something to it. You may be missing something you are doing that you don’t notice.

That’s OK to admit. It’s human nature. And if you don’t admit it, you’ll live in insanity. Doing the same thing over and over and over and over expecting different results.

Accept constructive criticism as a way to build a better you. Accept that you aren’t perfect. Accept that your intentions may be good but your ability to get that out sucks. And that’s OK. If we were all perfect life would be boring. Sometimes I suck, but I improve. And I’m happy with that!! 🙂