Surrogate beginnings

I have desired to be a surrogate for years. I felt the pull after my son was was born because parenthood is so beautiful. I felt it heavily when a close friend of mine lost her newborn child. She ended up being able to birth a child and didn’t need my womb. My best friend was struggling with getting pregnant for years and I offered the option to her but they ended up getting divorced.

Here I am. 32 years old. A church friend of mine has gone through such a long draining emotional process of foster/adoption, ending in a very painful removal of an infant shortly after receiving the child. She had made it known she and her husband had decided on surrogacy with a donor embryo. I jumped at the opportunity. I told her I wanted to pray for a time and ask God to press in my heart what to do. I felt completely accepting to the ability to gift them a child. I asked several close friends and family and decided on yes.

This is huge.

Please respond with replies of support, disagreeance, thoughts and please oh please, if you’ve been a surrogate, get with me!!!

Let the journey begin!

Foster isn’t fun.

Look here. If you are looking into fostering, this isn’t exactly to deter you. What it is is to be raw and real with you. Don’t become a foster parent for superficial reasons.

1 John 3:17 But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?

Don’t become a foster parent because you think the parents suck beyond repair. Your MAIN job is to love these children unconditionally, through all of their brokenness, and to be patient while the parents work hard to try and get to a safe and stable place in their life. Your job isn’t to belittle them while they work. They aren’t you. They dont have the knowledge and resources you do. They are not where you ARE. Your job is to meet them where they are. To respect them as human beings. Can you do this? Yes. Then you have my full support!! If no. Go back to the drawing board and give in other ways. Offer assistance in any way possible.

Acts 20:35 In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’

Life on the road.

This is my office.

My office has unhealthy fast food. My office has randomness threw around. My office is lonely.

I drive. I drive to home visits. To facilities. To hospitals. To schools.

I drive to broken homes and pray the whole way there. I drive away from those homes and pray even harder.

I love it. I love being away from the office. I love getting in there and working as hard as I know how.

I ask that if you are out there reading this, please pray that I make the best choices in all of my cases. Pray for my clients. All the family members. Pray for the clients to find healthy support.

Amen.

Whose fault are they!?

Society is so worried about pointing a finger at the cause of chaos and violence. Stop pointing your finger and look in the mirror.

Are we teaching our children to be dependent on another being? What about highlighting drinking as a cool way to manage stress? Children consume themselves in technology and parents don’t stop it?

Children forget how to connect with others and grow up to be secluded and incompetent. They don’t know how to manage feelings correctly. They grow up and ruin friendships and relationships until they can’t take it and turn to violence. Violence on others or themselves.

Enter stage left: Me. To clean up society’s bad choices that have now involved and inflicted harm on children.

The. Cycle. Continues.

Structure

I’m sitting here at a supervised visitation. These kids have done nothing but cause mass chaos in the two hours I have been here. The parents verbally get onto them but never follow through on a time out or remove the problem item or any other threats that are given. These children don’t say please or thank you. They don’t say yes or no ma’am. They scream and point instead of using their words. They lash out irrationally. They hurt each other. They hurt themselves.

The parents are half mentally checked out. They have no structure to behave themselves; how do I expect them to parent little thems?

The parents themselves grew up in chaos. They don’t know what anything but dysfunction looks like. I don’t expect them to live like “normal”. I just want safe. I want stable. The children deserve safe and stable.

So how do we get from one extreme to just decent? These parents are exhausted from their life’s choices that brought me here. The children are consumed by crazy being the norm.

Get sober. Get stable. Survive. Then Thrive.

Find positive support. Find somewhere to plug in. Find a better you to be. No one else can do anything for you if you don’t want to do anything for yourself.

You….You….You little me, you…….

The greatest and most feared part of parenting…….when you get caught parenting little yous in the way you would have never been able to stand as a little you.

 

As I sit and watch my sneaky children be sneaky, I can’t help but remember all of the times I snuck around my parents. I. Must. Remain. Constant.  Being sneaky means you’re smart. So I’m thankful my children are smart. I will  prune the clandestine behaviors out.  I will feed the clever, crafty side.  My children will learn how to be leaders and  will learn how to maneuver life without being dishonest. That is my main goal.  My children will grow into helpful, thoughtful, kind adults.  When someone says their name, honorable thoughts of them will follow.  Until then, I will have to be a parent and not a friend and explain why we can’t give all of the stuffed animals hair cuts and hide the evidence under the bed.  I will have to be a parent and not a friend when after telling my son to put up his clothes as a typical chore, I find ALL of his clothes hidden under a blanket in his closet.  Several. Loads. Of. Clothes.  I will have to stand firm when I have told my children several times to be nice to each other and they continue to be vindictive and come up with some of the most brilliant ways to get each other into trouble.  Parents don’t have eyes in the back of their heads because they want to. Parents have eyes in the back of their heads because they HAVE to, for fear of their sanity.   But we parents do it out of love. Every bit of our parenting, even the hard stuff, is through love.

“Educate your children to self-control, to the habit of holding passion and prejudice and evil tendencies subject to an upright and reasoning will, and you have done much to abolish misery from their future and crimes from society.”
Benjamin Franklin