Celebrate Recovery and mean it!

I started attending Celebrate Recovery for the first time 13 years ago. I was there for someone else, of course. Those of you that know, know how funny that is. But hey, whatever brings you in!!!

I started seeing the big picture and realized I wasn’t there for anyone else but myself. I was an addict. I was addicted to substances and I was addicted to people. I was addicted to chasing the high and pleasing the world. I can’t tell you which was more dangerous.

I began going religiously but of course, we are always recovering, never recovered. It has been a long process of continuous growth. I had so many unhealthy layers to get through, it has taken this long and I’m not stopping now!

I stopped the substance abuse, which I joke is the easy part. I then started peeling back the layers of unhealthy coping and that is where it has been hardest. I have had to stop relying on anything but God to get me through life. I have had to stop making excuses for my behaviors, choices, attitudes, ALL OF IT.

I began my first step study in 2013 and after book 2, as we were heading into book 3, I broke my ankle in a ridiculous, freak (too old to be doing) cheerleading accident. I was couch ridden for 6 weeks and had to end my step study.

I was upset but I also know God has a purpose.

I was in a marriage that neither one of us was prepared to be in. We had dated off and on for almost 10 years, married for 2. We both had sons from previous relationships and a daughter after our marriage. It was extremely unhealthy and when God says equally yoked HE MEANS EQUALLY YOKED.

We divorced in 2014. The actual divorce was uncontested, 50/50 custody, no child support…. but it was anything but that.

There has been a lot of healing, a lot of hurt, a lot of relying on God and releasing my unhealthy thoughts.

I hid from my duties for a while. I was still praying. Still asking God for guidance. I was not, however, living as I should. I stopped going to church weekly. I would go here and there. I dove into my career in law enforcement and college. I had gained some more unhealthy habits but I was determined to not let go of God.

Romans 5:8

But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

In 2016, I reclaimed my life. I made a promise to get things together. I started attending church regularly. I began finally healing. I came back to CR. I graduated with my bachelors and went to work for DHR (child protection services). It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. I had a few failed relationships. I was living in a big girl world and it took some getting used to. I was working in a world of chaos but I was blessed to have Celebrate Recovery and it’s principles guiding me through life and I was able to share this information with clients that asked. I was able to bring some clients to CR with me. It was wonderful.

In 2018 I really put a seriousness to healing my heart. As a woman, I want to love and I want to be loved. As an unhealthy sinner, I didn’t know how to properly attain it. I put a cross ring on my wedding finger and got down to business. I asked God to remove ALL the things. I did not date anyone. I even took myself on a romantic for one getaway to the Georgia Mountains (it’s in my blog but I don’t know how to link it here). I even made mistakes while I was there because I will NEVER be perfect (no men were involved, only a large amount of alcohol one evening). I was the happiest I think I have ever been.

I continued attending church weekly, CR weekly. I worked hard to put God at the forefront of my life.

In 2019, I reunited with this guy I went to high school with. We had never ran in the same circles but as life would have it, we bumped into each other on duty one day, then another. We began a relationship and are now married. It has not been easy, some our fault, some life’s journey. We both love God and He will see us through.

I am proud to say as of next week, I will have FINALLY completed a Step Study. I put in the work. I attended meetings and went to group weekly. I went when I didn’t want to. I went when I was sick. I went DURING COVID!!!!!!!!!!!! Nothing can stop what God wills. I am dancing. I’m not dancing because life is perfect. I’m not dancing because what I want God to fix is fixed, actually the total opposite. Life is EXTREMELY tough right now. I’m dancing because I have buckled down and put in the nasty work. I have answered each and every question with as much diligence as I can. I have answered the tough questions. I have kept in close contact with my sponsor and accountability partners. I have remained faithful.

Please, reach out to a local church. I KNOW there is a Celebrate Recovery near you. I’m asking you to go. Go once, and when you realize how uncomfortable you are, do not let the devil whisper in your ear “this isn’t for you”. Because it is. What some don’t realize is recovery isn’t just about drugs or alcohol. Celebrate Recovery is about Hurts, Habits or Hang Ups. That means that anger that haunts you. That feeling of not good enough. That constant reminder in your brain of that thing that happened years ago. What that person did to you. What you did to that person. Those nasty thoughts you have when people are talking. The way you are terrified to be alone.

It’s helping you achieve a better life. Even when life isn’t better.

Prayer for Serenity

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
taking, as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

                                            Reinhold Niebuhr

Thank you for letting me share.

Cope or die

Getting sober has to do with removing the crutch (es) from your life. More importantly, it has everything to do with learning coping skills that you lacked when you used.

As an (always recovering) addict, at some point I had the hard realization that if I did not stop the journey I was on, I was going to kill myself. I couldn’t tell if it would be by my own hands or by the vices I held so high.

I HAD to realize there were people who went through the same or worse than I and they did not escape into unhealthy vices. I had to decide my life was worth living and that it was time to find my healthy and embrace it fully.

It took God. It took accepting that I was unhealthy and that all of my choices were unhealthy. It took fully breaking down and releasing everything to God. My pain, my weaknesses, my stubbornness, my everything.

What’s hard for most of us addicts is that we endulge in instant gratification. We want what we want immediately.

Sobriety is long and drawn out and lasts a life time. That is NOT what we want to hear. That’s why I believe God blesses us in the little things so we can keep full ahead to reach our end with peace.

I have been sober for 11 years now. My life is not easier than it was. Yes I wake up knowing where I am and whst happened the night before. Yes my body is healthier. Life is not easier. It’s harder. But it’s my pleasure to cope sober.

I deal with stressor every day. I make a choice to attack it with God’s power daily.

This, my friends, is true sobriety.

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
taking, as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will;
so that I may be reasonable happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

Reinhold Niebuhr