Insecurity

I’m sitting here……. Lost in my own mind….

How can one person have this many thoughts without an explosion or fire??

Every move this world makes, I imagine the next 3 steps. Why?

Anxiety and insecurities.

Lifelong experience of things going wrong.

My mind is a vulture. It attacks when it smells fresh meat. Fresh thoughts. Good experiences.

Just around the corner it will all crash down. Life doesn’t work out for you, Pattie. Don’t get used to this.

NO!

STOP!

This isnt real.

LIES!

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Everything is OK. It’s not perfect. It has valleys and it has mountains. Beautiful luscious mountains. We wouldn’t appreciate the mountains as much if it weren’t for the valleys.

Praise always.

I will calm my soul. I will be OK. Whatever will be, will be. If things aren’t meant to be, they aren’t. No amount of fear and emotion will stop the truth.

God has a plan way bigger than mine.

God will bless me. One way or another.

Amen.

Just a rub

I just want a back rub. I want a person’s touch on my body. I want to feel a release of this stress I’m holding so tightly to. I want to cuddle. I want to spoon. I want intimacy. I want comfort. I want security.

But I don’t want it with just anyone. And I don’t want it without God.

I don’t want someone to tell me why I’m doing or not doing something the right way. I want this world to understand something it more than likely never will. I want an understanding of where I am in life and what I’m trying to accomplish.

I’ve heard it before and I will pass it along. Being with no one is so much better than being with the wrong one.

Life is about time. We have all the time but yet our time is always disappearing. I want my time to be appropriate. I want what’s right.

I don’t know what that means right now. But I know I don’t want to move.

God please keep this true to my heart.

Amen.