Next phase of surrogacy

I finished my last round of blood work and ultrasound appointment. Everything is on schedule. I had a panicked week thinking my body ovulated but it was a false alarm. I did not. We are on to progesterone shots. The embryo will be implanted Wednesday.

BABY IMPLANTED IN JUST A FEW DAYS!

Baby mama came to my office this morning and ever so gently gave me my first (huge) shot. She is so kind and loving. I’m honored to give her this gift that she so deserves to enjoy.

I promised to be honest in my blog.

Honesty in 3….2…1….

There have been some side effects I knew but couldn’t prepare for and some have been unexpected….

I have a strange emotion that has popped up. I understand why those who have gone before me have mentioned loneliness. I signed up for this. This is my decision. With that responsibility I feel I have to hide my side effects so my environment won’t throw it up in my face “you did this to yourself”. I caught myself crying in my office. So alone. Crying for many reasons, none of which are worthy of tears.

I am still just so excited to be on this journey. I don’t regret a second of it. I’m ready for the next step.

But it is complicated trying to live my chaotic, everchanging, life, while simultaneously preparing for baby.

God is in control always. I pray my insecurities calm down. I pray God comes and washes my mind of negativity about my current choices.

I pray for my hormone levels. I’m glad they are irate because that means my body is accepting of the medication. I pray it continues to follow the schedule. I pray for a successful implantation and pregnancy.

I also selfishly pray for my heart as I am broken and trying every day to work on me. I pray God restores love. I pray I am forever making Him proud on Earth.

I pray for my support. I pray they are loving to me and do not leave me. I pray I appreciate and respect them.

Why surrogacy?

I have had so many people asking questions. Let me see if I can answer some here.

How much are you charging?

I have researched that women can make up to 40/50000 per child. I’m not doing this for the money. I asked to not have a financial gain but after discussing with my support group, we agreed that due to me having to support my two children through this process and my life completing turning upside down for 10 months, and the persuasion of my beautiful baby mama, I accepted a MUCH MUCH smaller amount. Four figures type amount. I still don’t like it. But I understand it.

How do you know each other?

I do not personally know my baby mama and father. We have gone to church together for approximately 15 years. The mother and father are part of the praise and worship band. I have enjoyed their talents for many years. Our parents are friends and our siblings are friends. I have watched their family struggle with many personal family matters that would break some of us, yet this family has stayed strong.

Why would you do this?

God says our bodies are a temple. When we give ourselves to Him, we die. We become new in Him. Everything we do should be for Him. Although I haven’t always respected my body and used it only for God’s good, I want to completely. I had thought years ago about giving my body to a family in need. I have felt such a strong pull since I had my son. Having my son was the most life-changing experience and to know there were women out there who wanted a baby of their own, but their bodies were unable, broke my heart. I have prayed since I was 21 about placing a family in my path that I could bless. I had a few families I had thought would be an option but it never worked out. It was my plan, not God’s. This situation literally fell in my lap. I am blessed to offer this opportunity to this family.

How are you going to give the baby up?

We are not our own. My children are not mine. We are all God’s. Period. Biologically this child will not have a single strand of my DNA. Physically, I will get to know this child in the most intimate ways. I will help create its heart, lungs, it’s ears, it’s fingers and toes. I prayerfully will keep this baby alive the entire time in utero. My body will be bound to its body. I will feel it’s hiccups and kicks and punches. I will talk to it. And just as beautifully, I will ask this baby to exit my body (in the most pleasant way it can see fit) and become part of a family that is not my own. That’s it.

How will you recover from this?

Again. God.

I am birthing a baby. I will have maternity leave. I will be planning some heavy family time with my children. We will more than likely be taking a trip toward the end of my recovery. I’m on the fence but leaning toward Disney. I have an amazing support system of family and friends that don’t quite get this decision

Shot shot shot

4.2.19

I did my first shot today. I woke up full of anxiety. I do not love shots. I assumed it was going to be the worst shot ever created.

I’m so dramatic.

At approximately 830 I had my first shot. It was tiny. And I survived.

I look back and laugh at how inappropriate I acted.

Isn’t that funny. I wore myself out for nothing.

I paced and pleaded to do anything but this shot.

Now for the next few weeks this is my new norm.

Baby, here we come.

Real surrogacy :explicit content

I want to document this journey so that anyone out there wanting to be a surrogate can get my true story and anyone wanting to seek a surrogate for themselves can see it, also. I had started out light and fluffy but as I have begun the medicinal process, I have found there’s a not so bright and shiny side to this. I’m still one hundred percent on board and am so excited we are getting steps closer to implantation. I just want to be real for readers out there.

I suppose I will try and keep a running log of the physical changes my body is going through.

Here we go.

3.29.19-I started the birth control patch on Monday (3.25.19). I had tried birth control previously for my personal reasons but only a few times and I did not enjoy it. This is my first time using the patch. I slapped that sucker on and awaited my next move. Honestly, I felt silly that women around the world do this every day and I had, in my mind, made a big deal about it. I will wear the patch for a week at a time. The patch itched when I first put it on but forgot about it shortly after. I noticed my stomach hurt by Tuesday. I had no appetite. By Thursday I was very uncomfortable. I feel bloated. Like pms bloated. I also have been enjoying a lovely stomach issue.

It’s Friday and it’s the same. My rear end hurts and I can’t help but giggle. This is only the beginning. My body has always been sensitive to outside stimuli. I am not surprised. I suppose Vaseline will be my friend for the time being. Aside for headaches, I’m doing OK!

I start my shots Tuesday!! Don’t worry mommy and daddy. I’m preparing my body for your baby very carefully!!!

Real

The medication has been ordered. It will be shipped to my door.

Wow. Talk about service.

This just got real folks.

I think I’ve said that for every step of this process.

I can’t stand needles. I have never been able to manage it. From the time I was a little girl to the time last week my blood was drawn. But that is why I’m that much more excited to do this for this couple. Every needle that gets jabbed into my fatty muscle means one step closer for my couple to have their dream.

I accidentally Internet searched IVF because I had a question about night time shots.

BAD IDEA FOLKS!!

It overwhelmed me slightly. But at the end of the day God’s got me through this. I don’t need a man for support. I don’t need a huge support of friends. I have a family. I have my “baby mama”. I have the “knowing” this gift is about to be a reality.

I am so ready for this. The shots are only a small part of it. I will make it through the shots and I will be implanted. I will pray all day every day for the baby to grow in my womb.

God knows us even before the womb. So God already knows these babies.

How beautiful is that?

Tata for now! 💜

You’re putting that where?

3.14.19. 830am

I arrive at the doctor’s office early. I try so hard to be on time and early when possible, anywhere I go.

I’m starting the actual process of being a surrogate. We’ve talked, we’ve planned, we’ve discussed. Now it’s time for the real deal. Elbow grease and physical work. They draw my blood first. Not quite sure why. I’m not good at asking questions. I go back into the lobby and wait to be called. I have the worst outfit on for the event. A jumpsuit. The doctor calls me back.

There they are. The stirrups of shame. No one likes the stirrups. But we get hiked up anyway. She says, in my own words of course, use this piece of large papered blanket to cover up your down south lady spot. I said well, this is a one piece, I have court today. She said um I will get you a gown. She brings me a gown that is so unattractive and she laughs about the appearance. Like I’m going to get a hot date while I’m there. Anyway. She leaves me to undress and returns.

She assures me it won’t hurt. She just has to put this doodad in this area. Wwhhooaaaaa

I tell her it’s been a long time since I had sex so hopefully everything goes in well (in my mind I’m thinking, I hope she can get around the cobwebs.) She has a student with her so she’s explaining the process to her. I crack jokes. It’s what I do. We laugh about dating and the pool that’s available. It’s an epedimic.

Anyway.

She “scratches” my uterus, which I later find out is awfully uncomfortable for way longer than expected. She releases a syringe of water to make sure my lining is OK. She says everything looks great and of course I have to joke about putting “pristine uterus” on a dating profile. She’s excited. I’m excited. My couple is excited. I should have an embryo planted by May 1 if all goes well. She leaves the room and I put my clothes back on and leave.

Here we go!! It. Just. Got. Real. 😊

Bebe and Abbie

3.11.19. The babies have been picked out. The embryo surrogate gave two babes. 3bb and 3aa. Future mama has named them Bebe and Abbie. I love her cleverness.

I don’t fully know what this choice means. But I know when an egg and sperm are taken, they join in a dish. They do their thing and poof, an embryo. This occurred 8 times. They grade the embryos. The embryos are frozen.

….. They wait….

Bebe and Abbie are in separate straws. We will only implant one at a time. I pray there is a success the first time but if not, there will be another straw and another process to try again.

I will start my diagnostic testing this week.

Please pray for these embryos to be strong. Please pray for my uterus to be healthy and embrace this beautiful gift.

Thank you all for being part of this journey with me.