Surrogacy journey :getting real

Here I am. 34 weeks. My mid section is growing, what feels like, by the minute. I feel big as a house to have started at 4 foot 11 inches and 101 pounds. I’m still the same height but a good solid 45 pounds heavier. That’s a lot when you think about how mobile I need to be throughout my day.

I am at the part of pregnancy that I’m certain God blocks out of our memory so we will continue having babies. It’s not fun. There’s little sleep involved. Everything is uncomfortable. I ache in every part of my body. My mind is consumed with every emotion possible. I cry several times a day. I have gained more stretch marks than with my two babies combined. I am overflowing even my maternity clothes.

Yet, here I am praising Jesus for this opportunity. Every day I wake up and it’s like I am reminded just what I am doing. Just what gift I am bringing to this world. Just how happy this family will be.

No words can describe it.

Surrogacy journey :32 weeks

32 weeks.

8 weeks left.

Baby girl is moving so much. She is very active. A new contract has been written up for some details of custody and parental rights. It’s long. It’s interesting. It’s descriptive. Lawyers really know their lingo.

I’m doing well. Lots of pains in my ribs and back but considering what some moms go through. I’m blessed.

Knowing that God knows every bit of this little girl and how she’s knit together in my womb is just precious to me.

We are at doctor every 2 weeks. My work keeps a look after me every day. They try to act calm bug any ache or pain I have, they see me. They monitor me. It’s sweet to be cared for like that. I’m thankful for them.

I had to leave work early today. I was hurting so bad. Tingles shoot down my ribcage and to my back. We are having some reviews at work. Extremely important. I have to take care of my health and they are understanding. I’m forever thankful bit stressed beyond my grasp right now.

This too shall pass. It always passes.

Baby Kate is healthy and that’s all that matters right now.

But I am ready to hand her over so I can rest!!!!!

Surrogacy Journey : moving up and out

I’m 26 weeks. Time to nest. But what do I nest. Such an interesting feeling. I’m not stressed about where the baby will sleep. Who will watch baby while I work. Will the baby eat properly. It’s surreal. Mama has bought baby Kate a whole wardrobe and has been researching all of the newest and latest and best of everything. This is so neat. We are 2 people experiencing 2 different events in this process.

Baby Kate is moving a lot now but mostly in the middle of the night and wee hours of the morning so mama hasn’t been able to feel her yet. We have our glucose test and ultrasound at the end of October. Mama can’t wait to see her baby girl and I can’t wait to find out if the placenta previa has corrected itself.

I’m feeling much better, mentally. I started reading a book with an inappropriate title written by Gary John Bishop. It basically says, get over it and figure out a way to fix whatever you’re feeling. Whatever happens, happens. How you respond and how you manage after is your responsibility. It’s helped so much.

Basically, I put my big girl panties on. It’s just hormones and emotions. I will survive. I will bring a baby into this world to complete a family that has wanted this for years. What a blessing it is for me to be able to do this!! The rest isn’t important.

I’m the luckiest gal alive to be able go do this!!!!

Signing off…..

Surrogacy journey 22 weeks in

I’m overwhelmed with emotions. I have had 2 pregnancies before this and NOTHING can compare. I’ve never cried this much in my life. Everything is extreme.

An interesting fact is that my life has never been this complicated either. It’s hard to tell which is causing what. All I can tell you is my mind is pure chaos.

I’m thankful for a healthy baby. I’m trying to ensure a healthy bond with baby mama. I’m trying to prepare for when baby comes and more importantly after baby leaves. I’m trying to ensure I am a good mother to my biological two.

I’m exhausted.

Mentally I cannot go on (she said dramatically). Physically I’m doing OK.

This is a whirlwind. I have approximately 18 weeks left.

I STILL do not regret a thing. But this is definitely more than I could imagine. I honestly don’t think anyone can ever grasp what the surrogacy journey will involve until they experience it for themselves.

We will continue on.

I’m thankful I can rely on God.

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow. Hoping for good news about placenta previa.

Surrogacy Journey: week 18

Hello all!!

It’s week 18. Baby has been doing big things and by big things I mean she’s started tap dancing on my bladder and growing out super fast. She enjoys making sure I don’t sleep and that heartburn is always near. Other than that, it’s great!!! I’m still so tickled to be doing this. Some days I wake up, look at my belly in amazement that she’s in there…..AND SHE’S NOT MINE. This is by far the coolest babysitting job I could imagine.

It’s a little lonely, not going to lie. I would love for someone to rub my back, rub my feet, help me in the evenings when my body is just too tired to continue on, but my birth kiddos need me,and I continue on. Every day that goes by is another day of baking for baby and its an achievement I’m proud of. I want her to be so healthy for mom and dad. My faith is strong. God is there for me. That’s enough, even when I’m being a whiny butt and feeling pitiful.

We get to see the anatomy scan on Tuesday. Mom is so excited. We thought we would see her last visit but we didn’t. Doc promised this one we would.

Sometimes I think about what labor will be like. What the days after will be like. What mom and dad will be like taking baby home from the hospital. What I will do with some time off work to heal mentally and physically. I’m trying to prepare but it’s like the beginning of a roller coaster. No one knows but it will be a memorable experience and I’m ready.

Surrogacy Journey: 15 weeks down, centuries to go?!

Hello all!!!!!

Sorry I’ve been quiet for a while.

So. Pregnancy isn’t how I remembered it from 8 years ago. A lot has changed since then. Mostly my body is 8 years older now. With a dash of insane workload at work and no husband to have me lavender bath water or dinner for when I finally do get home from my 10 hr plus days.

Just like everything in life, when you do something new and exciting, there’s no amount of prep work that could ever be enough. There’s no amount of research and questioning that can truly prepare you for diving into the unknown.

I regret nothing.

But I’m learning a whole awful lot!

Mama and me are both strong willed people. It has set us up for some interesting feelings and conversations. We are trying to learn how to manage this short term close relationship without overstepping boundaries. We live on opposite sides of the community. She quit her job as a teacher at the end of the school year and my job is quite demanding of me and my time. I’m certain she would rather I just move in with her and I’m certain I just want to go home and sit on my couch and stare at the wall.

This is new to both of us. Her child is growing inside another human, away from her ability to control everything . She is not present for the milestones of baby. That’s a strain mentally. My body is being taken over by a sweet little parasite that, as soon as it comes out, will never have an attachment with this body again. I’m trying to manage my life as if I was not pregnant, all the while hormones flow through me like magma.

Lots of emotions.

We are doing our best to manage the situation as best as we can.

I’m having to forcibly work on asking others for help and releasing my independence. As my belly grows, and it sure is growing, there is less I’m able to do.

As of right now, my house appears to be ground zero from a massive tornado. My yard hasn’t been mowed in weeks, it’s hardly walkable. Dinner has become minimal and sad. These are all things I need to learn to ask for help on. God’s teaching me things through this journey that I wasn’t wanting to learn. Funny how He always works.

Baby update:

Mama decided to do the Harmony test for gender and chromosome abnormalities. It was almost 2 weeks, right before 4th of July, when she found out she was having a girl and everything came back normal! Mama wanted a girl and we all wanted healthy.

We had a gender reveal for mama, daddy, brother, and the rest of their family. It was sweet. Strange for me. But sweet. I brought my two kids with me so I wasn’t alone.

I went to the doctor yesterday for a check up but we didn’t get an ultrasound. Mama was disappointed but at the next visit in August there will be one.

Mama gave me a doppler so I’m able to listen to baby Kate’s heartbeat whenever I want. I send her videos of the heartbeat so she can hear too.

It’s sweet to know this little human is growing and every day we pass is one day closer to giving this mama what she has always desired.

Until next time.

Surprise world, we’re public

It’s been a few months. Some of the best days. Some of the hardest days.

We are getting to know each other. We are learning what we want out of life.

Some days it feels like a fairy tale. Some days I sit back and watch this man in the greatest pain of his life with no way to help him heal besides saying, “I’m here”.

There have been bumps in our road, but I’m determined.

On a whim, our relationship has gone public in the community. There’s mixed feelings. Most people support us and feel we are a great match. We care about our community and serve daily. We love God and we want to enjoy our lives together A few have very negative thoughts on us that are simply not true.

It’s only been a few months since the passing of his wife. We honor her. She’s a part of our journey. She isn’t here anymore and we are not in the wrong. Would either of us think this would have happen. No. But it did. And it’s the most beautiful journey of our lives.

The community will get bored and forget we exist. They will go about their business and leave us to live in peace.

Until then, we will continue with our lives. Every day will present new challenges and new adventures and I want nothing more than to spend my life with this man, discovering all we have to offer.

I’ve never felt more like I matter. This man has chosen me to be his person. Me. Me?

I’m honored. I feel like my world is opening up.

Until next time.