Life has been a whirlwind. My stability that I took years to build has been slowly crumbling under my feet.
I see things but I don’t…….admit them at first. Now I’m head deep in a life that wasn’t quite prepared to have me in it yet.
I’m reminded of the scripture in Isaiah (26:3) that says God will keep us peaceful because we trust in Him. He does not say the chaos will go away. He does not say that he will shield us from our own consequences. He is a loving God but He is a God that shows us the work that must be done. When we are steadfast, he will help us hold onto peace in the life WE have chosen to live.
This has been an almost all consuming past 6 months. I have found myself letting go of what I KNOW is right and grasping onto fight or flight. That is not what God wants. I have allowed the devil to reach into my home and turn things upside down. The devil doesn’t just attack you, he attacks your family, your friends, your church, your work, your environment. EVERYTHING. When we let our guard down, he comes in on all sides. I have consumed myself with world problems and that was my first and biggest mistake.
In John (14:27) Jesus gives HIS peace to us. Jesus is not the world and he makes it clear so, Jesus giving us HIS peace is beyond our understanding. When Jesus says not to be afraid, He means it.
I have always said, I am not like a lot of Christians. I don’t fight the urge to think God doesn’t love me. I have been blessed with an understanding that He absolutely does and nothing will ever change that. I do, however, realize too late, that I have fallen back into the world and I have to fight to get back out. I have to fight to TRUST that He’s been here. He knows everything before it happens. This isn’t anything new to Him. Even in my mistrust, which in turn, you could say, shows that I DON’T truly understand His love. What a slap to His face and yet He still loves me.
God wants us to love, not with our love, because it isn’t enough, but with His. If I can love myself, my family, my community, with His love, there is nothing greater. Do you ever feel a strong pull to love others with your love and realize THAT IS A HORRIBLE IDEA????
So I leave you for this moment with an assurance that although life is extremely rocky right now, I am dying of myself and becoming new in Him. Again. For the billionth time. Because thank you, Grace and Mercy.