What is on everyone’s lips? RONA

I’m sitting here with an itchy throat, mucus everywhere, steroid pill in my tummy. I have a sinus infection. But in the back of my head…. I wonder….

My family wonders…

This environment is something I haven’t experienced before. I remember a lot that rocked our country. From trials of celebrities to the World Trade Center. But I’m not sure I recall anything that changed the world as this has.

I am a Caseworker. I work in child protective services. We are what they are now calling “essential workers”. I have been on call now for 5 days. I’m exhausted. The worry that the virus will spread to my family scares me. I’m a fairly decently healthy person, so I will overcome it. I have 80 something year old grandparents that live beside me and a 2 month old baby neice that lives on the other side of me. They are precious to me and I want to keep them safe. But I must do my job. I must go about my day as if nothing is different when the entire planet has changed.

Here I am sitting with a child that has nowhere to go. It’s approximately 130am and I’m so tired but I do my best to keep my eyes open. I pray this child finds a place that is appropriate for her situation. I pray her parents get their lives together to get her back.

I pray my children at home, who are far away from me, know that I love them so much and I think about them every second of every moment I’m away from them.

Here I am leaving the hospital after getting a call about a special needs juvenile. I’m starting to feel sick as I leave the hospital. I was screened when I walked in so I know my temp is OK. I have 3 more days of on call. I have to hold on.

My 3 kids are out of school. They have eaten anything they can get their hands on. They don’t get the meaning of working from home. I have had deadlines and paperwork on top on more deadlines and paperwork. I have had to have conversations with clients while my dogs barked loudly at a vehicle driving by. My kids asking me where the this and that is. They do not care.

Just the other day I was attempting to play Uno with them while typing case notes. It was a disaster. They are bound up and don’t fully understand why. They are enjoying being away from school but want to be able to roam free. I have to continue explaining to them what isolation is and why it’s the safe thing to do as I disappear for hours in the night to calls.

They hate my job.

I wake up the following day and I’m sick. Doctor deems it as sinus infection. Ok. The task must be completed. I just keep telling myself, it’s almost over. But I know there are so many other “essential workers” that are grinding and will continue to grind. Keep y’alls heads up. This is what we were made for. We were made to thrive.

Surrogacy Journey: 36w4d

That was a Braxton Hicks. No, that was a real contraction, says the doctor when I was 35 weeks pregnant.

I’m on bedrest. I’m huge. Baby’s dropped. Mom is freaking out. Her nursery isn’t finished. All is well.

I’m still not due until January 15 but she sure does feel like she’s trying to come. I’m dilated 2cm and having real contractions.

I stay overwhelmed, I suppose. I’m so ready to see this happy, healthy, baby come out and go to her parents.

I had to leave work earlier than I expected and it has caused so much anxiety. My caseload doesn’t just disappear. There are lives that are ongoing and extremely brittle and fragile. I have spent months trying to ensure these families have the services and support they need for a safe home. Leaving them has felt like leaving family. I will be getting back to work as soon as I possibly can. I will follow my doctor’s recommendations, of course.

I will not be venturing down this road again but my heart will be completely open for any support asked of someone who may way to follow their own journey of being a surrogate. It’s beautiful. I am blessed to be able to do it. And I will be blessed to be support for the next person.

Assistance to assisting

Who I am now didn’t happen overnight( and still working on it daily). It wasn’t an easy road. This happened over many situations.

Here I was needing help from the government. Using WIC (women’s infant and children) to supplement a small amount of groceries monthly, discovering that no matter what, I was going to be treated like dirt at the heart of my seeking assistance.

I remember sitting in the office of the local health department after an embarrassing low of asking for assistance to support me and my child. I sat there being looked down on by the worker. She was irritated to be at work. She was irritated that I couldn’t give exact information on his father’s income. She didn’t know I was in my second semester of college and I had made a determination that I was going to be someone someday. This woman acted as if I chose to be there. My choices DEFINITELY landed me here. But I didn’t want this life. For me or my baby. I was trying my best to dig myself out. Everything she did and everything she said to me, she wanted me to know I was wasting her time and so was everyone else she had to deal with in her day. It hurt me. I even called to make a complaint although I know it didn’t go far.

Every few months I had to come in for a redetermination. Every few months I dreaded it. I couldn’t continue to take this.

This day I decided to find my place in this line of work. I decided I would try my best to show people respect no matter the circumstances. I wanted to be a fresh face someone saw when they were at their lowest point.

Fast forward 5 years. I got my degree (by the grace of God) . Then I got another degree (still shouting God’s grace) . Then I faithfully applied to DHR. I got an interview. I got an acceptance letter (Amen) . I accepted the job.

My first day on the job was nerve wrecking. I had worked so hard to get to this place. Here I was. My anxiety was high. The place was new. It was different. I tried my very best to be uplifting and positive. I tried to listen to anything I was told. I got settled into my office. I had an office y’all!!!

And then…..

I met the woman that was so negative toward me the day I chose my future. She was a kind lady. She was very helpful to me, being that I was “the new girl”. I mentioned that I had needed assistance years ago and remembered her. She didn’t remember me. I felt it was best not to go further with the story.

To this day she is a good Co-worker. We get along well.

She has no idea how she was fuel to my already burning fire to make a change in this life.

Gay Pride, School and God

On September 8, 2018, I attended the 2018 Murfeesboro “Boro Pride” Parade. I took a friend of mine who also had to write a similar paper for a separate class. We got off the interstate and took a turn toward the festivities. There were two gentlemen with signs on either side of the streets at an intersection. One of the men had a sign and a megaphone. He was reciting Bible scripture. The other man had a sign with the 10 commandments on it. I felt like they were a reasonable distance away from the parade area. I believe everyone has a right to voice their opinions in respectful ways. We found parking and started toward the event. I noticed as we walked toward the square, it wasn’t actually a parade. Everyone appeared stationary. There was a rainbow balloon archway where you walked into the event. There was a band to the left. There was a large group of people in front of the stage. We steered right. There were booths set up throughout the event. The first booth we came to was for “Reducing the stigma of HIV one conversation at a time”. The man at the tent was knowledgeable about testing. There was a testing site on the other side of the event where they prick your finger for the testing. He asked that we go get tested. At the tent, there was a bowl of peppermints, a bowl of buttons for support and a bowl of condoms. My friend and I giggled but at the same time respected the cause and I thanked him for what he was trying to accomplish. We continued on our adventure. There were several tents with rainbow pride accessories for sale. Most everyone had something rainbow on; from a headband to an entire outfit shining with glitter and color head to toe. There was a church tent that was giving away free hugs. This was one of my favorite tents. These sweet ladies were standing outside their tents, completely putting themselves out there, waiting on the next person to hug. More amazingly, the people who came by embraced them for a hug. It sent chills down my entire body knowing the two completely different sides of the gay subject coming together in a full on hug. Both parties seemed to enjoy it and seemed almost relieved and achieved that they did it. We moved on to another tent of “church people” handing out water. It was very humid and I was thankful for the water. My friend and I walked up and were offered water. We took the water bottles and I could tell on the woman’s face who handed it to me, she was praying for me. The prayer is between her and God but I appreciated whatever she had to say to God. We kept walking around, looking at all of the tents and the merchandise. I noticed a couple that were probably in their mid-50s. I only assume they were a couple. They appeared to be so happy to just be themselves. They weren’t dressed up in bling. They were wearing every day clothes. I could tell they were happy to be supporting what they believed in and more importantly, they were able to be who they were without judgement. We saw several families like this. Some held hands. Some sat back and enjoyed the entertainment. There were families with children running around, showering each other with glitter. I was happy to see the people in their element and free. We made it back around to the stage and decided to go around one more time. We felt more comfortable the next time around. We knew the area better and could maneuver the walkways. It was packed. We noticed a group of girls taking selfies in front of the Boro Pride stand. I try not to be a judge of people but at the same time, my job is to watch and learn people by their behaviors. Both my friend and I felt that there was a large chance no one in the group was gay. They spent minutes taking pictures of each other. I was glad their minds were open to the idea but I had doubts of why they were supporting the cause. Sometimes I hope I am wrong about my thoughts. When we realized they weren’t going to be done for a while, my friend and I just decided to stand beside it and take a picture for our proof of attending. We continued around the event for the last time. We noticed so many different types of people. There was a group of men who had beautiful dresses on and make up better applied than I could have ever done myself. There were groups of women who had their chests duct taped down with no shirts on. There were visibly gay family members that had their, what appeared to be, visibly not gay family members in attendance for support. I am not gay. It was uncomfortable to be around everyone. I worried that my “not gayness” was sticking out. I worried that someone would ask why I was at such an event. That did not happen. I learned that in 2018 people are trying to respect each other while still holding onto their own beliefs. I learned that there are several different levels of enjoyment at an event such as this and that is what makes the event successful in my opinion. I believe attending events such as this one, helps my mind accept all things, not just what I like and believe. If I attend events that are not in my norm, I will become more comfortable with other’s ways of life. When I work with families that are “different” than I, I will appear calm and collective and in return, the families will be comfortable and secure in the environment we are in.

Be Jesus.

I was chastised this week. On several different occasions by several different people. It was hard to handle. The things they were angry about were their own doing and yet, it fell back on me.

Hi, I’m a social worker.

I found myself very frustrated with situations that were out of my control. I wanted so bad to yell at these clients, “This. Is. Your. Choice. Not. Mine” . And worse off, the kids are the ones who are getting punished.

Then I remember the blood of Christ. His Father sent him directly to us in flesh. He didn’t do anything wrong. He went through pain and agony we will never understand. And He did it willingly. He could have, as the devil said, made it all go away. He did not. All for the Love of us. All for our broken, sinful, selves.

We are to be Christ-like. I will prayerfully never have to go through the physical pain Jesus did. But, I will be blasted for doing what it right. And as a believer in my Jesus, I will continue to fight for what’s right. I will continue to fight for these children. I will give forgiveness to all of the parents. Why? Because, WWJD.

In this line of work, we are to be set aside from the rest. We are to offer our clients redemption. As most should know, parents don’t start out this way. They usually learn from their surroundings as children and continue the patterns as adults (thus the vicious cycle that is job security for me).

We don’t work with parents. We work with children trapped in adult bodies who have no idea how to rise above their situations. We are to come in, not as a drill sergeant, but as the body of Christ. Loving. Caring. Open.

Just imagine…

If our clients understood what Jesus did for them. They wouldn’t need the drugs, the alcohol, the empty relationships, the abusive relationships, the anger, the victim mentality. They would fall into His arms and forever be changed.

1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
²Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.

⁴There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most Highdwells.
⁵God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.

Psalm 46:1-5

I will continue doing my job. I will continue fighting for the children. I will continue fighting for the parents. If even one life is changed, it’s God’s work and I’m blessed that he has used me as a vessel for Him.

Amen.

Foster isn’t fun.

Look here. If you are looking into fostering, this isn’t exactly to deter you. What it is is to be raw and real with you. Don’t become a foster parent for superficial reasons.

1 John 3:¹⁷But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?

Don’t become a foster parent because you think the parents suck beyond repair. Your MAIN job is to love these children unconditionally, through all of their brokenness, and to be patient while the parents work hard to try and get to a safe and stable place in their life. Your job isn’t to belittle them while they work. They aren’t you. They dont have the knowledge and resources you do. They are not where you ARE. Your job is to meet them where they are. To respect them as human beings. Can you do this? Yes. Then you have my full support!! If no. Go back to the drawing board and give in other ways. Offer assistance in any way possible.

Acts 20:³⁵In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”