((((((((I am not meaning DONE for any other purpose except for dramatic effect of how exhausted I am of how life in 2018 is and how frustrated I am that we are not living as God intends and it IS making life harder on ourselves. I write this blog as a healthier way to get my thoughts out in a safe, judge-free, atmosphere. ))))))
That’s it. I’m done. White flag. I’m just not cut out for a “romantic relationship”.
No matter how I approach it. No matter how careful I am. It screws up. I have worked very hard to become a better version of me. At times, it doesn’t feel much different.
I find myself wondering what I did wrong. I second guess EVERYTHING I say. I do feel a difference in it though. This time, I do feel like I’m trying to do what God wants me to do….mostly.
See. I do really well. I calmly state what I’m trying to say. I communicate my feelings instead of bottling them up. I try to use I statements instead of you statements. I try to understand the situation. But after so long of trying and not getting anywhere, I blow it. I get so frustrated. I have a big mouth sometimes. I don’t cuss anyone out. I just may say things a bit more. Sharp. And then no one wins. I just can’t manage getting pushed and pushed and pushed.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find anyone that I am compatible with. Is that even such a thing anymore? I’m divorced. I have two beautiful children that are my main focus. I have several hats I wear. I desire a Christ centered relationship. I just don’t know how to obtain it.
God, I ask that you dig out all the poo. I ask that you take full reigns of my life. I ask that you are the hand over my mouth when needed and the vision in my eyes. I want what You want and nothing else. Help me to know what that means.
Learning to live in this world through HOPE 
I can relate to where you’re at. What I did when I was in your shoes, is I concentrated on what I could do to make myself better so that I can attract the right woman. I came to find that my biggest problem was that I didn’t attract the right people. Once I got that fixed I attracted my wife, and the rest is history.
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That is such a valid point!! That is what I am trying. Andy Stanley said it best. Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for????
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Exactly! Another thing that helped me, I had a sponsor who suggested I put all of the qualities I wanted in a spouse down on paper. Once I was done, I gave it to God. I said, “God, this is what I want. If it’s in Your will, please make it happen”.
Guess what walked into my life when I was ready? Right down to the last detail, I kid you not.
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