Lonely road

Perspective-A particular attitude toward or way of regarding something. A point of view.

I find myself in deep thought. Am I too much? I’m not good enough? I will be alone forever? No one can handle me?

I came from such a chaotic dysfunctional background. I lived the same life when I began life on my own. It was miserable in the end. I decided in my early 20s that I wanted a better life for myself.

For over 10 years now I have not stopped improving. I have fallen on my face more times than I can count, don’t get me wrong. But I promised myself I would always get back up.

12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,14 I press on toward the goal to win the prizefor which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14

I have found that some people around me don’t see who I was and how far I have come. They don’t see the passion behind my choices. What I desire out of life isn’t appreciated. They see me in a different light than I ever want to be seen in.

I honestly do not want my way. My way can be unhealthy and disrespectful. I am human. I live in sin. Which is why everything I try to do comes from the Bible I solely base my life on.

I do not want to be a part of chaos. I don’t want to be a part of unhealthy. I don’t want those I care about to be either.

Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man,

Proverbs 22:24

I have learned boundaries where I never had them before.

Here I am, working all these jobs and going to school and trying to balance my life with little help. I find myself in frustrating situations where people expect so much more from me than I can give right now. People expect me to be perfect and completely able to handle situations. I can not. I just want to be understood. I want peace.

I will find peace through my Lord and Savior.

Of David. The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident. One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock. …

Psalm 27:1-14

The Lord my God knows my trouble. He also knows my heart.

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