So many things.
Beautiful. Maternal. Successful. Gentle. Loving. Many more things.
But what do we hide?
You know. The monster inside. Scraping our walls to get out. The tornado inside our bodies, twisting and turning and causing chaos. Dissecting every thought in our mind. Dissecting every intention in anyone else’s.
I’ve cried 4 separate times today. Once over the pains of my job. Once when I was talking to my grandmother about my sweet and wonderful deceased great grandmother. Once because I wondered what the point of life was. Once when I watched a video about a girl and her dog. I haven’t cried in a month. And will cry again in a month exactly.
I’ve not been able to sleep normal for a week. I’ve desired the touch of a man and decided all men are evil.
I’ve determined my life is empty and I’ve determined I can’t keep going on like I have been.
I feel a deep, dark, depression. It’s cold and lonely here. It’s confusing. I fight the urge to ruin everything I’ve worked for. Quit my job. Run away. From everything.
And in 2 weeks it will all go away.
And in 2 more weeks, it will all begin again.
PMDD. It’s real. It’s here. And I’m sorry if you struggle.