My name is Pattie. I am a most grateful believer in MY Jesus Christ.
I struggle with mind chaos that comes from childhood sexual abuse, substance abuse, codependency, anger, procrastination, depression and anxiety.
I lvoe my God.
Principle 1: Realize I’m not God. I admit that I am
powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is
unmanageable.
“Happy are those who
know they are spiritually poor.” (Matthew 5:3)
There’s a reason this is the first step. This is the shining star. You don’t accept this, you can’t recover. You know this, a whole new life opens up.
But this is the tough part. The 12 steps only work if you constantly work them. I am 10 years into recovery of my first issues. I am 3 years in recovery for the rest. I am day one in recovery for life. And tomorrow when I wake up, I will continue to admit to God that my life is unmanageable and without relying solely on God, I will fail.
I travel often for my job. Not many overnight trips but definitely exhausting day trips. I get stir crazy in my car so I usually try to find nature where I can for a short “lunch break” . Often, I end up in dog parks.
Dogs are such genuinely happy creatures. Their owners are happier around them. So I come here. I sit. I ponder the life these dogs have. I ponder the life their owners have. I watch their interactions with each other. I think of my dogs at home and wish I could take them on my day trips. My dogs have to deal with a working dog mom. Poor pups.
These owners all do the typical “baby talk” to their dogs. They love it! This particular dog park has an agility course.
The dogs look to their masters with such love. That’s how I look to God. I KNOW God is going to take care of me. I go to him to be spiritually fed. I KNOW He will spiritually feed me. He will ask me to complete courses. I will trust in His guidance. He rewards me with “treats” of Grace and Mercy throughout my day. These dogs love their owners. I think mine is pretty cool, too!!!!
Hoover Dog Park in Hoover, Alabama.
Nothing lasts forever. Wouldn’t it be nice? Even your thoughts are fleeting. You live life one way then the next moment life all changes. In this life, we are taught to lean on others. We don’t survive easily in solitude. But in solitude there is no pain from loss. Nonetheless, we must stray away from solitude.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 New International Version (NIV)
9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.10 If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
When you give your trust to someone, you are giving them a piece of your soul. You are a partner. A friend. A friend takes up a large place in your heart.
Every friend I have made has had a special place in my heart. I have learned so much from each friend that has crossed my path. If you are reading this and you and I have enjoyed a friendship, past or present, thank you. I am who I am because of the things God has allowed me to learn from you.
God made my heart big. I haven’t always been very responsible with this big heart. God gave me a big heart but he also gave me a big brain. I forget to use them both simultaneously at times. This means that I can hurt myself. I can hurt others.
Not every person that crosses your path is meant to be a deep, safe, secure, friend. We are to go to God about every friendship, relationship, acquaintance, we have. Why??
There is wicked in this world. The evil is alive and well and he will use any situation to torture your God-seeking soul. The devil uses what is closest to your heart to deceive you. Mine has always been Fellowship. The closer I am with God, the more the devil uses the people around me. It isn’t fair to those people. It isn’t fair to me. The devil has never been accused of being fair. But the devil smells my genuine love for God and for people. And he devours it all. He devours my thinking. He blinds me. I seek God in every aspect of my life. And I still end up a failure. My God is a beautiful God. He uses my failure and picks me back up. God holds me like I can’t explain. Comfort. In the midst of this turmoil. Pain. Embarrassment. Loss of security. Misunderstanding. Scar tissue. Bewilderment.
Proverbs 27:5-6 New International Version (NIV)
5 Better is open rebuke
than hidden love.
God is pure. God is good. God loves me. I love God.
I will continue to pray for God’s will in my life. I will continue to LOVE. I will continue to ask God to sharpen my senses to inconsistencies and inappropriate surroundings. I will continue to pray for all of my friends. Past and present. I will ask forgiveness for my wrongdoings. I will ask for clarification. I will ask for discernment.
Colossians 3:12-14 New International Version (NIV)
12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Amen.
Learning to live in this world through HOPE 